Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
