I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
