Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
