I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
