Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
