if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
