he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
