i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My dick has a subreddit
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
