On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
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