i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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