What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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