I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
