The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
