After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
