i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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