She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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