He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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