he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
