They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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