Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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