His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Randomize
