My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
