Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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