So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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