Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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