i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
