i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
