Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
