Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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