I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
