I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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