So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
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I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
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I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize