I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
