so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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