I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
