This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
