no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
