at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
