what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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