i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
