so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
