what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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