He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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