i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
