Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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