that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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