Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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