I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
