this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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