dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
