He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize