What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
