we're blogging at a bar
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
