I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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