I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
