dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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