I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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