Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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