I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
