I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
