I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
