Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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