saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
