4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
