I want to stick my p in your. b.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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