you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
