The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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