When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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