I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
