dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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