i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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