ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
