if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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