I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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